Tag: Daily life

It has been quite a while since my last post. The past few months unfolded quickly — exams for an accountancy certification, long evenings of studying, workplace projects, a promotion, a new team. Life did not stop. It accelerated.

Somewhere in that acceleration, I pressed pause on Mandarin lessons. What started as “just for a while” quietly stretched into months.

Twice a week now, I am back on Preply.

I was nervous before the first lesson. I hadn’t spoken Mandarin regularly in some time, and I wondered if the words would still come. Would my sentences fall apart halfway through? Would my tones betray me?

They didn’t.

Yes, I was a little rusty. But I was still comfortable speaking. The language hadn’t disappeared — it had simply been waiting. Reading aloud on DuChinese during the break turned out to be more important than I had realized. It kept my pronunciation alive. It kept the door slightly open.

And now that I’ve stepped back in, I feel grateful.

Grateful that progress is not always lost when we pause.
Grateful that some things stay with us.
Grateful that I can begin again.

Life has a way of pulling us in unexpected directions, and before you know it, a whole year has flown by. But, here I am, back at the keyboard, ready to share my thoughts.

My mental health had taken a toll. Anxiety and stress became daily companions, often leaving me feeling overwhelmed and unable to engage with the world, including my blog. I suffered from depression and anxiety for the last year. So much so that I had decided to talk to professionals to help me cope.

Coming from a culture where mental health is the last thing anyone would talk about or ever. It’s all about sucking it up and continue with the daily grind. I wish I can just ‘suck it up’ and ignore every anxiety I feel and still function like normal human being. But the last year had proven it otherwise. I could only hide it so much, but at the end of the day I need to work on the past traumas and understand how it is effecting the way I handle life daily and how I see the future.

One thing I learnt from talking to mental health professional is how liberating it is to talk to someone who aren’t family or closed ones about my past and they had been effecting the way I behave or how I feel. But sitting there, talking and bawling my eyes out, I also realized that no matter how much I talk about my burden it all boils down to me. No one else is going to rescue me and save me from my own thoughts.

It’s a long journey I know. But as James Clear had written in his book, it just take a miniscule change in the trajectory I can end up else where hopefully way better than where I am at now. I’ve come to understand that healing is not linear; it’s a journey with ups and downs. It’s about making small, consistent changes and being kind to myself along the way.

So “welcome back” to myself. 🙂 Thank you for reading, who ever you are.